Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Ugly: Tenshi No Kyuu

Okay, the title is self-explanatory. The Ugly is basically manga I’ve read that you just SHOULDN’T. Because it was that bad.

Now, I read the quickie on this (The quick review. You’ve gotta pick up the terminology as we go :D) and I thought, why not give it a try? It’s ecchi, and I have no problem with ecchi usually, so I got this off the internet and decided to give it a go.

Bad idea. By the time I’d gotten through half of it, I was skipping pages. It was just… smut. I’m not saying I don’t read smutty stories – but that’s my point exactly. Keyword: ‘stories’. Not smut for the sake of smut. It’s some guy who loves checking out women’s asses as he walks up the stairs at the train station every morning or whatever. And there’s this one woman that he sees everyday whose ass he favours the most. And one day, she trips, and her ass falls right onto his face. Of course, our little friend here is reeling with happiness. He’s also reeling down the stairs. And because of her ass, he breaks his arm. God, I wish I had that much power in my butt muscles. I’d be ruling cities by hip-bumping buildings.

Of course, this woman can’t believe the mishap, and decides to cook for him until his cast comes off, because until then he can’t use his arm. So for a month, she’s been going to his house and spoon-feeding him – literally. He’s wonderfully happy, of course, but the month soon comes to a close, and she bends over to get a bottle of something sinfully alcoholic to celebrate. It’s only right that the mangaka should cheesecake everything, because her skirt is way too short and her panties are 3 sizes too small. And he can’t cover up his month-long boner anymore. Typically, in any ecchi smutty situation, the wine spills all over his crotch, drawing attention to his woody.

Here he gets all awkward and embarrassed and she consoles him with a blowjob. Lovely! Then she reveals she knew he was watching her all along and decided to strip. Then some stupid sex ensues with lots of unidentifiable fluids everywhere, some random butt action and pseudo-69ing.

Well… maybe I asked for it, because usually that’s how ecchi stories go. But somehow, this one seemed even more pointless, because during that month there seemed to be no development between the two of them. Then, quite suddenly, on the last day, one minute it was “I’m so sorry I broke you arm with my ass! I need to be hospitable!” and the next it was “Look at my ass!” and all the sex was just too smutty and kinda cheap if you ask me. What happened to his cast? Wasn’t his arm broken? Suddenly he’s having some hardcore butt-humping on his apartment floor. Can you say ‘random’? Nice. Now say ‘crappy one-shot’. Lovely, you’re doing brilliantly. Now put them together and you’ve pretty much summed up this Ugly.

I mean, seriously, the artwork didn’t even make up for it. It was cheesecake after bloody cheesecake and stupidly annoying fan service shots that weren’t even desirable. The kind that makes you think, that’s just overdoing it. Every time they show the top half of her body, cleavage and erect nipples seem to be unavoidable. *sigh* whatever shall we do? And don’t get me started on her ass. As he’s walking up the steps, the shots of her ass are just ridiculous. You know it’s smutty when every woman seems to camel-toe – even from behind in this case. It was absurd. I only flipped through to the end to assess the ending situation. It’s another fan service shot with her naked in an apron. I don’t think you need fan service after the previous display. They had every angle covered.

Because this is The Ugly, I’m not going to put an image up for this. It’s that bad. I couldn’t care less if I never see this again. If you ever come across this, move on. It was terrible, no point to it other than stupid pointless sex. If that’s what turns you on, then whatever. But I’d rather have my ecchi moments with a good story attached. See you on the friggin train, dude, and don’t stare at my ass. I’m not going to cook your dinner.